In An Abusive Marriage? Learn The Cycle Of Abuse So You Can Break Free


Are you afraid most of the time? Have you been cut off from family and friends? Has your spouse ever left you with physical injuries that required medical care? If you can answer yes to any of those questions, you need to seek help as soon as possible. If you feel like you're living in a continuous cycle of abuse, you might not be wrong. In fact, abusers often follow a pattern.  

Take a look at the cycle described below and then sit down with an attorney. An attorney will be able to get you the help you need to end the abusive marriage.

The Abuse

Your spouse acts out to abuse you – either physically, emotionally or psychologically. You're left with wounds that aren't always visible.

Expressions of Guilt

Once you're injured, your spouse realizes that he may get caught, so he shows outward expressions of guilt. He may apologize or attempt to give you gifts to show his deep feelings of guilt.

Excuses for Behavior

After the expressions of guilt have been exhausted, your spouse may move on to finding excuses for the behavior. This is usually where you're blamed. Has your spouse ever excused the abuse by pointing the blame at you? Perhaps by stating that if you hadn't done "X", they wouldn't have done "Y".

Return to Normal

This phase of the cycle is often called the "honeymoon phase." It's during this phase that things seem to return to normal. Your spouse may be more attentive, or even kinder. It's during this phase that you've probably had hope that your spouse was really going to change. Unfortunately, you've been through the cycle enough to realize that this phase is probably going to be short-lived.

Planning Stage

The planning stage occurs at the end of the honeymoon phase. It's during this time that your spouse is probably thinking about how to begin the abuse phase again. You may notice that your spouse becomes more agitated right before the abuse begins again. That's because they're building up their hostility again.

The Set-Up

Finally, the set-up. You don't even see this phase coming. It may be as simple as sending you to the store during rush hour traffic and giving you a time limit that they know you can't possibly make. When you return home, your spouse now feels vindicated in punishing you for being late.

If you're in an abusive marriage, you need to seek help in ending your marriage. When you sit down with a divorce attorney (such as one from Blumenauer Hackworth), be sure to let them know that you're the victim of domestic abuse. 


6 August 2015

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